how the dreams don’t come true

how the dreams don’t come true

I was never drawing in my life….since I remember my mother was telling me that when I grow up I will study law and I will become a lawyer…She kept describing me her own picture of me so intensely, that I started to believe in it and took it as mine own…She would always say how sure she was, that I’d be an excellent lawyer, walking in Chanel suits with pearl earrings….on the other side there was my sister who was very often sitting by her table with pencils in her hands drawing…since she was six she was going to drawing courses and my mother build up a picture of my sister as an architect…that was actually her own wish coming true since my mother was not “allowed” by the system to study architecture…..I went through my rebellious times ended up not studying law but international relations, to express my rebellion :)….it took some years to convince my mother that I am not the lawyer in Chanel, but I was practically able to go for my own ideas only after I finished PhD and my mother had not much left to ask for…and so I ended up studying at the art academy in Vienna, but for 5 years I never thought that I could try to draw….only this semester when I decided to finish the school and get the credits as fast as possible I picked up drawing classes…just to speed things up little bit…I remember going to my first class feeling really strange…me drawing????….NO my sister is the one who knows how to draw, not me….that was in october…..now I m sitting here listening to audio books drawing and drawing…not because I know how to do it, but because it makes me crazy happy…it is such a contemplating activity….I always felt kind of stressed and nervous when I was not taking photos..kind of as if I was wasting my time….but at the same time I could not take photos all the time, every day….now I don’t have to do so, I found something that I can do when I don’t take photos…I m not nervous anymore, I set myself free from unfulfilled demands and finally completely from the picture that my mom had about us….I know that this is supposed to be a “photo” blog…but hey I have no new photos to show :)…..my sister is a scientist and hates furnishing even her own place, she is promising to get a dining table for 5 years now :))

PS: sorry for this non-photographic spams…I’m not saying that I can draw, all I’m saying is that if I do it anybody can :)

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I don't want my life to be a reason for other's life to be a suffering that is why I am vegan and that is how I want to raise my son. I love my little family, birds, rainy days and life on the road. I believe in life before death :).


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