final countdown

final countdown

  

It is for sure, that this is my last post that I am writing pregnant. Actually there is not much that I have to say or show. It turned out that pregnancy is not thrilling state of being as well as subject to write about more than once :), ..or at least for me. If there was some prize or grades giving at the end of those 10 months I sure would not be standing and waiting in the front row. Last weeks, particularly last two are nothing more than just waiting and counting the hours…Not that I could not wait for the change of situation, I simply find living with myself, in my body absolutely unappealing and exhausting. I did not go through this period of my life with much of a spiritual “grace” so to say – its somehow hard for me to be spiritual gaining 23 kg and developing horrible cellulite….I did not feel connected with mother earth or with cosmic powers, I did not feel blessed from God or touched by the spirits crying from sentiment that there is a life blooming inside of me like a magic flower, I did not have goosebumps each time I touched my belly, in fact I was not touching it that much, I did not feel chills going up my spine each time Mr. Little moved inside of me – even though it was pretty impressive sometimes, I did not take my belly selfies with iPhone in the mirror each week, I did not start to write a diary for my unborn child and did not make the ultrasound picture my FB profile photo. I was simply pregnant. It was the only fact I could comprehend, anything else was way beyond my imagination. Even though it is now one last week to go I still cant picture the situation that one day we will be entering our flat together with little person that is to join our 4 and half years quite well functioning little family of three. Of course I know, heard it millions of times, how great and cool and magic it is going to be, but that is something I have to experience in order to understand. For now I am just thinking how it is going to change us ….change Mr.B who probably gets the whole thing even less then me, what is Mr.T going to do as he was almost 10 years my little polyp, how I am going to change. I am expecting all that hormones explosions that I heard about. Am I going to be the mama who only takes photos of her child, every minute of the day, Mr.Little smiling, crying, Mr.Little in dipper sleeping, Mr.Little in the bath looking shocked, Mr.Little licking his fingers, Mr.Little in new cute outfit, Mr.Little in the carseat, Mr.Little under the christmas tree, Mr. Little without the diaper on the bed, on Mr.B’s chest, in my lap, Mr.Little from left, from right, from above and from far….I am not saying there is anything wrong about doing that I’m just wondering if that will naturally become my new instagram feed and I will be completely ok and happy with it. I m thinking how we are going to change as a family….Couple of days ago we were sitting with Mr.B in our little tiny “office” which normally meant that Mr.B was editing photos or videos, I was drawing and Mr.T content that we are all together in such a small place snoring. Well lately I don’t sit there that much as sitting for longer time is quite uncomfortable, but the other night I was sitting there…Mr.T was doing pretty much the same thing as always, Mr.B was watching tutorials on how to operate Red camera and ME? I was watching tutorials as well, tutorials on eco cloth diapers….So here I am waiting for the birth as it will free me from this huge body that is no longer mine, it will allow me to move freely again – not just a short walks with T as I either have pain or I have to go pee, we will be traveling again, I will be able to sit for longer than half an hour, and life will get back to normal, new normal but normal….we ll be sharing everything we know with a little person, showing him the life we love, rediscovering for ourselves small simple things in order to be able to let the small guy experience them as new. But most of all I wish that we will not loose the balance, balance between what makes us us and between being parents, balance between giving ourself to the little man and not forgetting that we are also a couple that is here for each other, and of course not ever letting Mr.T feel that he is of less importance for us as there is a baby on board. If we’ll manage that, there is nothing else I could wish for…besides some exciting illustration job and seeing murmuration live…and some other dreams that are waiting in line….
  

  

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I don't want my life to be a reason for other's life to be a suffering that is why I am vegan and that is how I want to raise my son. I love my little family, birds, rainy days and life on the road. I believe in life before death :).


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