OK so I made it to Warsaw after all….For two days I was busy unpacking and putting my things together and organizing so that I could finally start to work on some projects. My eight weeks stay in Kraliky was nice because I have not spent so much time with Zofka in years. But I could not do much there, my attention was split between so many small things and I tried to be around Zofka as much as possible. Now I feel like I have all what it takes to start working, even my “second neck” which I have to wear for five more weeks is not bothering me anymore, we kind of stick together. I have loads of ideas and plans, but they have to wait. Last days I was occupied by ice hockey world championship in Finland and Sweden. And today is the big day. We made it to finals after wining over Czech in semifinals yesterday. Slovakia won world championship only once in 2002 in Goteborg wining over Russia. And today the history repeats and we are meeting Russia again. It is not important how this mach will end…we already won because our team could not make it to quarterfinals for long five years. Finals is a dream that nobody even dared to dream. And I am very thankful to Finish public cheering for Slovakia. Even Antero Mertaranta, finish sportscaster does not bother to hide his fondness for our team while commenting the game…..

So I m back to work tomorrow, today all I can think about is ice hockey :)

PS: Antero Mertaranta will probably get his honorary citizenship in Slovakia :D

Just read the new comment from Monika on my blog, and it happened to be the last piece of today’s puzzle….I’m going to the hospital today for the last checkup to see if I can take of my second plastic “neck” and start rehabilitation….if everything is well I’m leaving to Vienna for couple of days to pack my stuff…than back to Banska where Mr.B will pick me up and we’ll drive to Warsaw…looks like I m coming back to my life :)….I did not complain about staying 7 weeks with Zofka in the village…I complained, that I found myself in the situation where I could not make some decisions for myself, in the situation where my freedom was limited…..and for the first time I understood how difficult it is to be depended on other people because of some physical problem…so now I m using this post to express my HUGE admiration to people who fight with any sort of physical restriction that results in limitations on their every day life…..and I m moving my ass with the sound of “weapon of choice” in my head

PS: I’ve created “fun page” on FB (I find the label fun page very annoying) so if you want, you can follow my blog there

I want to be a fool

Did not post here much last weeks…but there was really not much to say or share…my home confinement is almost over…one more week and I’ll be able to change place after 7 weeks….I was trying to think when was the last time that I spent so much time in one place, without a car and possibility to leave….I think it might have been when I was around four years old :D….thinking back of those 6 weeks I only see one day…one day as the other…same…and now I know how Zofka feels in her life…people around change, they come and go, but she stays and this time I stayed with her….I would not call these weeks creative in any way..feeling of frustration and anger at the beginning slowly unnoticed developed into some form of apathy…I even returned to FB which made me feel like a loser :)….but now as my departure to Warszaw starts to feel almost tangible I m feeling my energy coming back…and I even feel pissed that I had such an amazing possibility to stay 6 weeks in a peaceful and quiet nature surrounding, in calm harmony and I only remember one day………maybe it is this one………..

Octopuses are highly intelligent, they show evidence of a memory system that can store both short- and long-term memory. Young octopuses learn almost no behaviors from their parents, with whom they have very little contact.
Octopus is often used as a metaphor for a group or organization which is perceived as being powerful, manipulative or bent on domination.
There is so many interesting informations about octopus and all of them seem to be true descriptions of The Octopus that is in my head, that lives with me, sits on my chest sometimes and chokes me, does not let me breath and scares me. Maybe I just start to understand my octopus in the same way as native hawaiians do. The Hawaiian creation myth relates that the present cosmos is only the last of a series, having arisen in stages from the wreck of the previous universe. In this account, The Octopus is the lone survivor of the previous, alien universe.

Tell me, ó Octopus, I begs
Is those things arms, or is they legs?
I marvel at thee, Octopus;
If I were thou, I’d call me Us.

Ogden Nash

I know my post from Sri Lanka was not very positive…but that really does not mean I’m a depressed freak :)

It’s been a long time since I posted something….but what can u do when u start school daily at 10.00 and finish at 19.00….I tell u what u can do….

U can wake up every day at 7.00 walk ur dog for 2 hours, so that he is prepared to be bored all day staying at home alone
U can come home at 19.30 walk ur dog for 1 hour half asleep, cook some nice meal for him and fall into bed dead after trying to be innovative, creative and artistically satisfying in the eyes of your professors whole day
U can be very happy when your husband comes to visit you for one week, even though you only see him 2 hours a day
U can be totally excited that after whole week ur husband, ur best dog and u will have one whole day to share together
U can plan going for a day trip on bicycles and do a little picnic
U can run in your 30 minutes break to the nearest store and buy nice red blanket with white dots and imagine how great it is gonna look somewhere under the tree by Danube, and how u and ur husband and ur best dog are gonna take a rest on it
U can wake up 7.00 in the morning on saturday, look outside see the sun shining and feel as if the world belonged to you
U can forget that ur energy level is at 0, because ur husband and best dog ever is next to you in the bed
U can go for a short walk with ur dog, buy fresh vegetables on the market, smile at people because u have ur plan in the head
U can come home drink coffee without thinking if you make it to the bus stop on time and smile at your husband and best dog
U can pack food, your new red blanket with white dots, water and balls for your best dog and get on your bike for the first time in the season
U can drive down the street and than over the bridge and than through the park and smile at people because the sun is shining and your dream is coming true….

….and than U can fall of your bike, end up in the hospital, have your had sewn together, leave the hospital thinking that it is not that bad and u will go for that picnic on sunday, than feel like a piece of shit, get home to Slovakia, go to hospital again and find out that u have a serious brain concussion and broken cervical vertebra, stay in hospital, suffer from insomnia, get home with your neck fixed in some strange collar, stay in the bed, take pills and think about going for picnic…

I was occupied by many negative thoughts lately. I know it might make sort of spoiled impression taking into considertion the fact, that I’m finding myslef on the most beautiful beach I’ve ever seen at the same time as Europe is expepriencing horrible minus temperatures and so many cities are fighting with problems resulting from the cold. But maybe exactly that is the part of the reason. Closed in these couple of square meters of paradise, not leaving the gates of our “resort” I feel as trapped in this imaginary world of beauty as lion in the cages of zoo in Warszaw. I just can’t walk on the streets, watch the poverty of people and compare their lives with mine. See the horrible conditions of those milions of street dogs living here, looking into their infinitely sad eyes, take nice holiday photos, feel offended when tuk-tuk driver asks for higher price because I’m european tourist,read my lonely planet guide in search of more stunning places and don’t let all those things that I’m confronted with touch me. That brings loads of questions about the sence and need of traveling, about the role and appropriatness of photography and about general egoism. About the ability of people to not see the negaives, to deny them, because the most important of course is to bring back home ONLY the positive memories from all the amazing places, thousends of great photos that you show to your friends and your neighbours when drinking wine and talking about the great trip. Hey that is after all what you payed for, you payed for memories. But I’m not able to conciously regulate my receptors like that, and so I’m fixed to search the simples moments that would mean happiness in this “paradise on first sight”. It is the sound of the ocean when I close my eyes, the wind on my face and warm darkness when I’m swinging trying to let my mind go, the golden lights of glow-warms when I open them again, the vitality and richness of the flowers…same flowers as I grow in my appartment in Vienna, but mine look like sick, tired and resigned shadows of those in Sri Lanka. I don’t think I’m designed to travel to places like this. There is too much sadness in this beauty. I expereince the feelings of the deepest sadness and helplesness on this most beautiful place. The price I have to pay is much higher then what I can afford!

I’m thinking how it is possible to travel as much as Mr.B did. To see all those places, more or less beautiful or even ugly. Let them become a part of u. At the beginning when you arrive to the place u see it with the eyes of stranger, u understand it through all the habbits u carry arround with u, through courtin of your own prejudice. And than every new morning when u wake up ur sight goes through slight change. Ur eyes are getting used to what u see and ur mind is letting things inside, it is switching to different mode. Slowly u let the place grow inside of you. It gets deep under ur skin and bites into ur bones like some sort of illness that can not be cured. It does not matter if u agree with the things u see, if u like them or not. There is a process going on and u just can’t stop it. You are getting used to the sounds, smells, to the air and how it feels when its sliding up your nose, to the light, and taste on your tounge. All this becomes part of you, it is inside of you and lives it’s own life. And then the moment comes when you have to leave, you turn around one last time and you know you will never come back again. It it as if you put the lock on your bike and than you tried to ride it without unlocking it. The place has grown into you and you had to let go part of yourself in order to understand it. Now you are leaving but that small part of you has to stay. What than? U are leaving that beautiful (beautiful because it part of you now) place and u are lighter of 10 dkg of your skin, your bones, your blood, your mind and your dreams. U can feel how that little piece of you is drying and dying, as a branch that was removed from the tree. How can you go to another place and let this happen again? How do you feel after doing this your whole life? What drives u to do so?…I guess I’m simply the person who prefers not knowing to knowing, that is why I still wish to be a fool.

new project on my WEB

and some more of beds beds beds

I feel like I need to take some photos again

MAX SHER

STEVEN BECKLY

EMILY SHUR

CELINE CLANET

MAJA DANIELS

SHEN WEI

SPENCER MURPHY

TOM HULL

ROMAIN COURTEMANCHE

MAYA DE FOREST

…….in a subtle way, this loss of public space occurs contemporaneously with the loss of private space. The one is no longer a spectacle, the other no longer a secret. Their distinctive opposition, the clear difference of an exterior and an interior exactly described the domestic scene of objects, with its rules of play and limits, and the sovereignty of a symbolic space which was also that of the subject. Now this opposition is effaced in a sort of obscenity where the most intimate processes of our life become the virtual feeding ground of the media. Inversely, the entire universe comes to unfold arbitrarily on your domestic scene. All this explodes, the scene formerly preserved by the minimal separation of public and private, the scene that was played out in a restricted space according to a secret ritual known only by the actors……We are no longer a part of the drama of alienation, we live in the ecstasy of communication. And this ecstasy is obscene….But it is not only the sexual that becomes obscene in pornography, today there is a whole pornography of information and communication, that is to say, of circuits and networks, a pornography of all functions and objects in their readability, their fluidity, their availability, their regulation, in their forced signification, in their performativity , in their branching, in their polyvalence, in their free expression. It is no longer then the traditional obscenity of what is hidden, repressed, forbidden or obscure. On contrary, it is the obscenity of the visible, of the all-too-visible, of the more-visible-than-visible. It is the obscenity of what no longer has any secret, of what dissolves completely in information and communication……

from Baudrillard – The Ectasy of Communication

it is very interesting to publish my beds after reading the whole text from Baudrillard….makes me think and wonder and think and wonder….my highest recommendation to give it a bit time and read and think and wonder about it