Zofka

Zofka

 

 

Visits of my family in Kraliky are always happening according to more or less the same scheme. It starts with a hectic arrival. We usually arrive exhausted after a long drive, every single centimetre of our car packed with crap we carry around with us from place to place. We finally get of all stiff and distorted, Mr.T starts off with running around wild and free hunting for neighbours cats, Mr.B also running back and forth unpacking the car, bags hanging all over him, I walk around with Little L in my arms talking to at least three people at the same time while one of those people is Zofka, and talking to Zofka means screaming very loud and very close to her left ear. After we settle a little bit, I inhale and exhale crispy mountain air and walk around for two days in my pyjamas there comes the time for family drama. The fact that it is actually a meeting of people who are not used to living under one roof anymore always causes some sort of disaster.  Why to have it the easy way? Family dramas are a must, at least in my family. There is a little bit of everything, screaming, arguing, screaming, crying and than of course more crying, excusing and hugging. I hate this part of the program from the bottom of my heart but that does not change the fact that it simply has to happen. It can not be any other way.

Well after this emotionally exhausting unavoidable element there is the time of calmness when things get to normal, when we have a chance to develop some sort of routine, go for couple of trips and I get to enjoy the feeling of being embraced by the mountains and birds singing.  And as soon as I start to feel settled and floating on gentle waves of slow life it is time to pack our bags, time for Mr.B to run back and forth again looking like a christmas tree stuffing our belongings into the car and time for me to say good bye to Zofka.

And those good byes are extremely difficult. They have never been easy but they get more and more unbearable with each visit. I look at her face and I wonder if I’ll have a chance to see her smile again. I try to sound jovial, make jokes and a come up with a fair amount of promises of what we will do together next time I’ll come, but during that whole time I am scramming from pain. Each time I come to Kraliky I see a little less of her, she is slowly disappearing. Each time we meet her own world seems to be stronger, it seems to be absorbing her bit by bit and she willingly sinks deeper into the river of her early memories, accompanied by her family members who all passed away already. I want to catch her hand and pull her back so much. I want to scream at her to stop doing it to me, I get angry and disappointed, sad and scared but then at the same time there are moments when I feel in peace. I look at her and I love her more than I ever did before. For everything she has done for us, for how she devoted her whole self to us, for how she always made me feel so sure that she is happy to be raising us and living our lives instead of living her own.

But since Little L was born I don’t only feel endless gratitude towards her, I also feel worship that I could not have felt before. Worship to a women who is not only my grandmother, to a woman who was primarily a mother once, mother of two sons who are not alive. Worship to a mother who over lived one son dying when he was just little bit younger than Leo, and than another son dying tragically when he was 20. I always knew her life was not easy since she was a small child and I knew she had to burry her two children but that was all beyond my perception. I saw my grandmother who was happy living with us her grandchildren. But now I see a mother in her at the first place, and even though I can’t possibly understand the pain she had to go through my imagination – imagination of a mother – is now much more vivid and I get dizzy when I only think of what happened to her and she made it without loosing her sanity. And those are the moments when I am in the peace. Moments when I don’t want to drag her, to pull her back no matter what, to keep her here for myself, to own her. I feel that I have to learn how to let her go to the place where she has to go.

Each time I am leaving from Kraliky I am saying good bye to Zofka and I hope I’ll have a chance to tell her hello again.  I know I will.

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Wyjazdy do mojej rodziny w Kalikach zawsze odbywają się zgodnie z mniej więcej takim samym rytuałem. Zaczyna się od przyjazdu w gorączkowej atmosferze. Zwykle jesteśmy wykończeni długą jazdą, każdy centymetr auta jest wypełniony badziewiem, które wozimy ze sobą. W końcu wysiadamy, cali sztywni i powykręcani, Pan T. wystrzela z samochodu i biega swobodny i nieokiełznany polując na okoliczne koty, Pan B. też biega w tę i z powrotem obwieszony torbami, ja chodzę dookoła z Małym L na rękach rozmawiając z co najmniej trzema osobami naraz i zawsze jedną z tych trzech osób jest Zofka, a rozmowa z Zofką oznacza, że krzyczę jej prosto do lewego ucha. Gdy już wszystko się trochę uspokoi, oddycham świeżym górskim powietrzem i chodzę przez dwa dni w piżamie, po czym przychodzi czas na rodzinny dramat. To, że odzwyczailiśmy się już od życia pod jednym dachem zawsze przyczynia się do jakiejś katastrofy. Po co niby mielibyśmy wybierać łatwe rozwiązania? Dramaty rodzinne to stały punkt programu, przynajmniej w mojej rodzinie. Wszystkiego po trochu: krzyk, kłótnie, krzyk, płacz, po czym następuje oczywiście jeszcze więcej płaczu, przeprosiny i uściski. Nie znoszę tego z głębi serca, lecz nie zmienia to faktu, że bez tego się nie obejdzie. Nie ma innej możliwości. 

Cóż, po tym emocjonalnie wyczerpującym i nieuniknionym elemencie nadchodzi czas spokoju, gdy wszystko wraca do normy, gdy jest szansa wejścia w pewną rutynę, można wybrać się na kilka wycieczek i cieszyć się otoczeniem gór i śpiewem ptaków. Zaraz po tym, jak poczuję ten spokój i zaczynam unosić się na łagodnych falach powolnego życia, przychodzi czas na spakowanie toreb, Pan B. biega w tę i z powrotem obwieszony jak choinka i upycha nasze rzeczy do samochodu a ja muszę pożegnać się z Zofką. 

Te pożegnania są bardzo trudne. Nigdy nie były łatwe, ale teraz z każdą wizytą stają się coraz trudniejsze do zniesienia. Patrzę na jej twarz i zastanawiam się, czy jeszcze kiedyś przyjdzie mi zobaczyć jej uśmiech. Staram się robić wrażenie jowialnej, żartuję i planuję mnóstwo rzeczy, które zrobimy kiedy przyjadę następnym razem, lecz przez cały ten czas ból powoduje, że chcę uciekać. Za każdym razem, gdy odwiedzam Kraliky widzę ją trochę mniejszą, jakby powoli znikała. Za każdym razem gdy się widzimy, jej świat zdaje się być silniejszym, jakby pochłaniał ją po kawałku, a ona rozmyślnie pogrąża się w rzece dawnych wspomnień, w towarzystwie członków rodziny którzy już odeszli. Tak bardzo chcę pochwycić jej myśli i wyciągnąć ją stamtąd. Chcę na nią nakrzyczeć, żeby przestała mi to robić, robię się zła i rozczarowana, smutna i przerażona, ale jednocześnie nadchodzą chwile, gdy odczuwam spokój. Patrzę na nią i kocham ją bardziej, niż kiedykolwiek. Za wszystko, co dla nas zrobiła, za to, jak poświęciła dla nas całe swoje życie, za to, jak zawsze dawała mi pewność, że jest szczęśliwa, że wychowuje nas i że żyje naszym życiem, zamiast swoim własnym.

Teraz, gdy urodził się Mały L, czuję do niej nie tylko nieskończoną wdzięczność, ale również szacunek którego nie mogłam czuć wcześniej. Szacunek do kobiety, która nie tylko jest moją babcią, ale kobiety, która kiedyś była matką, matką dwóch synów, już nieżyjących. Szacunek dla matki, która przeżyła jednego syna, który był trochę starszy od Leo, a potem drugiego, który zmarł tragicznie gdy miał 20 lat. Zawsze wiedziałam, że nie miała łatwego życia od dzieciństwa i wiedziałam, że musiała pochować dwójkę własnych dzieci, lecz było to poza możliwościami mojej percepcji. Widziałam moją babcię, która była szczęśliwa mogąc żyć z nami, jej wnukami. Lecz teraz widzę w niej przede wszystkim matkę, i nawet pomimo tego, że absolutnie nie jestem w stanie wyobrazić sobie, przez jaki ból musiała przejść, moja wyobraźnia – wyobraźnia matki – jest teraz o wiele bardziej żywa i robi mi się słabo myśląc o tym, przez co musiała przejść. I właśnie w takich chwilach odczuwam spokój. Chwilach, gdy nie chcę jej za sobą ciągnąć, bez względu na wszystko, żeby mieć ją dla siebie, żeby ją posiadać. Czuję, że muszę się nauczyć, jak pozwolić jej odejść tam, dokąd musi się wybrać.

Za każdym razem, gdy opuszczam Kraliky, żegnam się z Zofką i mam nadzieję, że zobaczę ją jeszcze raz. Wiem, że tak będzie.

 

 
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Teething, self doubts and the rest

Teething, self doubts and the rest

 

 

I wanted to write this post for so long. I have tried to find the moment so many times and meanwhile the ideas passed by, the topics I wanted to talk about came and went, stopped to be accurate or just got forgotten. I was trying to hold on to my life really badly for past two months.

Before Little L was born I was sure that first weeksor months are the toughest of all. If we make it through first 3 months without any major loss on sanity we ‘r safe. And than things are only gonna get easier up to the point where it will be like eating bread with honey. OH my, how I was wrong. Last month and a half was really hard. We came back from Malta to Warsaw where we stayed exactly for one day. Half of it I was waiting for my lost suitcase and second half was unpacking and packing again. In the night we hit the road and drove to Klodzko to stay for couple of days, than we moved to Dusseldorf where my sister lives. Little L, Mr.T and I stayed there for 3 weeks while Mr.B was flying to work. Short trip to Amsterdam and than on the way to Slovakia we stopped at Klodzko again, stayed in Kraliky drove to Vienna came back to Kraliky. I feel like my whole life is packed in suitcases and all I do is unpack and pack. And during this whole time Little L was teething.

I thought first three months are the toughest, oh my how I was wrong. First three months were not easy for many reasons, I was not feeling well physically, my hormones were going crazy, Little L did not know what the hell is going on, he was shocked from where he landed, but I have to say he was coping with us – two strangers – his parents for rest of his live pretty well. Everything was new for him and for us. But that was nothing compared to teething phase. Teething means that Little man does not like anything for longer than 5 minutes, OK he likes to watch baby einstein puppets for about 30 minutes when he has a good day, scream like a hurt animal for quite some time every day but what he loves most of all is my breast, all day and all night. It also means that I carry his proud 12 kilos in carrier most of the days, we cook together, iron together, vacuum together, walk together, take photos together and that might be a lot of fun for him, but don’t ask me about my back. He started to move a lot lately as well so I can’t practically leave him out of my sight cause he is able to change his location quickly and without any prior notice.

Lately I’ve been hearing a lot from older women – older women meaning my mom and her generation of mothers – that we are raising him wrong. That it is wrong that he is used to being carried, that he sleeps with us in one bed and that he is vegan just as we are. And I have been going through a lot of self doubts. How does one know if she is a good mother ?

During my last month of pregnancy when I grew into monstrous proportions, I was all swollen and could hardly move and breath at the same time I had a lot qualms that I don’t work enough. Mr.B used to tell me all the time that I should not worry about it, because women have some magic ability and they manage to do much more after they give birth. Well I was waiting for that moment, imagining myself as a super woman who gets as extra a package of super powers during the delivery and does everything she was doing before plus much more with a baby stuck under her arm. And guess what I was terribly terribly wrong. I am not a super women, I am not a super wife and I am probably not a super mother even thought I try to be at least one of it at a time.
Little L is almost eight months old and there are still days when I am happy to find time for a shower, days that are better, days that are worse. But I am by far not doing what I was doing before and more. I am not drawing and I miss it intensely. I am not doing all those new things that I was expecting to do. No explosion of energy, no explosion of new ideas, no super powers. I did not sleep through one whole night since Little man was born, actually I have not slept longer than 3 hours for eight months. I am often tired and I have a lot of self doubts. I compare myself to other women and sometimes I even compare Leo to other babies and I hate that. But I kind of feel like I failed, like I disappointed somebody, don’t know exactly whom, but when it comes to the point it does not matter. I simply feel like a looser almost every evening when I go to bed and look back at my day.
I thought when baby is eight months I simply put her to some “safe area” – whatever that is – and she is gonna play by herself for hours, than eat and sleep and I can start doing my things. OK I really knew shit about babies until we made one. There is no such as safe area unless I don’t want to put Little L into some cage. He also does not play by himself for hours and he has two very short naps a day, if he has a good day :).
So I really really wander how those super women out there do it. What is the secret of their time management. How come they look great, feel great, they go to gym, take care of a baby, work and in the evening when their little treasures fall asleep they feel sexy enough to seduce their men and whats more they even have enough energy to have a wild sex. And they have my respect if they manage just half of it.

I’m not joking here. I really am in a HUGE self doubts phase. But at the same time I am as happy as I never was before. I am happy at night when I feel his hands reaching for me in the dark and his face with closed eyes trying to find my breast – for the 5th time in three hours – looking for comfort. When I see him calming down and falling back to sleep while he nurses and while I am lying in a terrible inhuman position just not to wake him up again.

I feel happiness that can not be described when he looks at me and smiles looking already so aware of word around him. When his eyes search for me in the room after he looses me from sight. When he laughs and giggles laud on my attempts to be funny.

When he hugs me and snuggles his head somewhere between my breast and arm as if he wanted to be a part of my body for a while again. When I see him being curious and so eager to be discovering and learning. When he explores my face with his hand and always finishes with squeezing my nose for five minutes.

I love that he gives me a chance to have a look at the world that already got usual for me. I feel like blind who was given new eyes. I love his facial expressions when he experiences something new, when he feels new tastes, when he hears weird sounds, I love how his emotions are so pure and intense. I loved his toothless smile and now I love those two tiny teeth sticking out and even those two new upper monsters that are giving him such a hard time. Its a bitter sweet feeling to watch him grow and change every single day, but what it brings along is overwhelming.

I remember my mother always using a phrase “U will understand THIS only once you have a child of your own” which I of course hated from the bottom of my heart. Oh my, how right she was. Only now through him I can understand what is fear, what is happiness, what is humbleness, what is unconditional love. Becoming a mother is such valuable thing, it changes the perception of the world, it is a chance to be reborn and it is definitely a source of extreme emotions. So I guess self doubts are simply part of the journey and I have to learn how to live with them.

 

 

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moving pictures from Malta

moving pictures from Malta

 
Long awaited video from Malta. Its been already two months since we came back, but time is no longer a comprehensible quantity :)

I believe, ok I am almost sure a new post with photos will follow anytime soon :)

 

 

Leo and Malta from Bart Pogoda on Vimeo.

 

 

Pictures hunting in Malta

Pictures hunting in Malta

  

Our trip to  Malta was full of strong emotions.  It was first time for Little L to travel by plane, which was not as bad as I have worried.  In Malta his first two teeth came out and that was connected with A LOT of crying. We did not have even one meal where Bart and me would sit at the table at the same time. There always had to be one of us walking around with the pushchair trying to calm him down. I was feeling sorry for our room neighbours, as I can still very well remember how I did not have much understanding with babies crying in my “before Little L life”.

But there were also fun times, short moments when Little man forgot his teeth were growing. Moments of shock when he found himself surrounded by unimaginable amount of water in the swimming pool, which made an impression on him for 15 minutes and than he reminded himself those two teeth in his mouth and forgot the rest. Moments when he was overwhelmed by palm trees moving in wind, kids playing in swimming pool, or his newly acquired ability to sit by himself .

There were also couple of uninterrupted minutes when he fell asleep outside either in pushchair or in carrier, whichever he preferred :). And in those treasured priceless minutes of quiet we were hunting for the light and photos with Mr.B. Light in Malta was amazing and the place itself was quite a surprise. I’ve experienced loads of very powerful flashbacks while walking around. I felt as if I was in Tunisia, France, Italy, Israel, England at times even in Japan. Loads of amazing old shop signs, abandoned houses, mixed architecture, nice beaches, impressive buildings with touch of great details and everything within 20 minutes drive. It definitely is a place worth to go back and explore more.

I think Little L changed me in a massive way, I become partly a new person and there is no turning back to who I was before. I became much more emotional, I treasure  our love with  Mr.B and life we have together much more, I value every day events more and I cry way to often :). I cried a river when Mr.B left from Malta after one week. I cried a lot when there was small boy with two teeth sitting next to me in the airplane on the way back and I realised how much two weeks mean in Little L’s life, I cried when I said good bye to my mom on the airport in Vienna knowing last time I spent one week holidays with her was almost 20 years ago. And I have to say I enjoy this new emotional crying me. It seems as if my life was more vivid and more fulfilled….not to mention that I did not have 50 photos post in a long time :)

  

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6 months

6 months

 

It is almost one week since we celebrated Little L’s first small anniversary. I have never been aware of time passing as much as I am now. Past 6 months have gone so fast and so slowly at the same time. My own perception of time has changed so much. I’ve experienced minutes that seemed to be hours, and days that seemed to be seconds. Little L turned my whole life upside down.

One would expect that after waking up next to Little L 174 times I should be pretty much used to it. But I am not. Sometimes when I hold him in my arms I get this strong feeling that is hard to describe. I feel shocked, surprised, terrified, happy that I am a mother and he is my son and that it is perfectly real and it will never change. Other times during our walks when I look at him so peacefully resting I feel almost physical pain caused by an enormous amount of fear that paralyses my whole body. There is this little person that I will be worried about every day for the rest of my life. Every single moment in my unconscious there will be fear if he is ok, if he is healthy and if he does not suffer in any way. I realise how helpless I am, how many things out there I can not influence or change. I realise that all I can do is be there for him and the rest will happen in front of my eyes as a theatre play.

Past six months have been beautiful, intense, overwhelming, difficult, confusing. I stared to question everything much more than before. Making decision is not that easy anymore. Suddenly every litte thing seems to have bigger meaning. I am not responsible for myself only, I influence another life. This little person will be experiencing life through me for the first years, I will be middle of his universe. I feel the need, the necessity to do things right, to show him right, to teach him right whatever that right might mean, cause who is to decide.

I am wondering if one can ever get used to being a mother, a parent. For me its is so new every morning I wake up. Just like  Little L is changing every day, he discovers something new every day, he learns something new every day, I look at him and this simple statement “I am your mother” becomes so overwhelmingly meaningful that it fills up the room and takes us on a new ride.

 

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April from Bart Pogoda on Vimeo.

hello Berlin good bye Flat head

hello Berlin good bye Flat head

  

When Little L was born I could not see him during the first moments. Mr.B however was there to give me a sign if everything is OK and looks OK. The very first thing he told me with tears in his eyes was:”He does not have a flat head.” Even in such stressful situation I thought it was a very funny statement even more so because it was not meant to be funny, it actually was very serious. I remember how we were warned couple of times not to be worried when we see our baby for the first time as babies have really strange shapes of heads after the birth. But Mr.B knew that I have FLAT HEAD paranoia and he knew it was so strong that he even forgot that babies are normally not born with flat heads :).
Oh yes I had terrible paranoia of flat headed Leo possibility. This fear developed to its maximum actually in Poland. When we first met with Mr.B he had his hat on. The second time we met I was too drunk to notice that he had a really really flat head. At the point I discovered he is flat headed I found him to interesting and there was no step back :). But I truly like nice shapes of heads, and I like them even more now as they are really scarce commodities in Poland. Actually I have never ever seen so many flat heads as I see when I am walking streets of Warszaw. I don’t know where this comes from but its a fact. At one point I started doubting my own opinion but I was reassured that I am right when my sister came over. I did not tell her anything, I was just waiting. And it came. After couple of days she told me if I have ever realised how many flat headed men there is around. Mr.B know very well my flat head issues. He even asked a hairdresser once about a hairdo that would camouflage his head and the hairdresser told him he has a lot of men asking for the same thing :). So when Little L arrived we were only letting him sleep on the side. We were changing the sides of course and I was happy he had a really nice shape of head up to his two months. But than things started to change. No matter what I did he always ended up sleeping on his back, and his head was slowly becoming flat. Until one day when I looked at him from the side and realised that the situation is alarming and his had is as flat as polish landscape. I knew something had to be done. I goggled about flat heads on slovak sites and the only information I could find was “let it be, it will change as he gets older”. What a bullshit! Typical slovak, let it be and wait until things get done by themselves. Slovaks are truly very passive nation deep inside. Than Mr.B googled about flat heads on polish web and there was the solution. NO let it be, NO wait until it gets better but act and act now. This way we found out about cranio therapy which is a treatment of head deformities. Known in the world apart from Slovakia. We knew we have to do it so that Little L would never have to think about hairdos to make his head look good. We went to Berlin to cranioform clinic where they measured L’s head and suggested us to undertake helmet therapy for approximately next 4 months. I was not even aware of what kind of deformities of heads there are and how they influence facial and oral development of babies. Knowing what I know now I find statement wait until it gets better with age punishable. It would only get worse with time. And I was very happy to see how many parents with babies from different countries there were every day. Anyway we were leaving Berlin with a nice craniohelmet on Little L’s head /which stopped bothering him in two days if you wonder/ and some new plans for the future. New fresh place brought us some new fresh ideas. But I’ll keep those to myself until I’m not sure it will turn out the way we plan it. PS: And for those who think we are harming Little L to make him look good and we are some weird parents please note that flat headness – Plagiocephaly is a osteophatic condition characterized by an asymmetrical distortion of skull and can lead to problematic development of face, jaw bones and other oral problems. PS2: Those of you who might be interested there is a blog in polish on this topic and as far as I know there is as well place in Poland I guess in Krakow where they do helmet therapy as well. We decided to do it in Berlin because we wanted to visit Berlin, meet my sister who lives in Germany and because we thought they have much more experiences when it comes to therapy. PS3:Forum in polish
hello Berlin

  

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it took me 3 days to writ this post :)

it took me 3 days to writ this post :)

  

It is really difficult to write a decent blog post when having 4 months old person living with you, well at least for me it is. I know there are some super women out there who can handle it all but I have to officially admit I am not one of them.

First of all there is the well known not interesting “I have NO time” reason, everybody knows about IT, I knew about it before giving birth, well at least I thought I knew. And I was sure I will be able to manage without any problems, but THE reality exceeded my expectations. I really really have no time. 90% of my day I am a full time servant to his majesty Little L and the rest 10% is the time that I’d would like to spend spoiling myself by such a fancy treat as shower, maybe even drying my hair with hairdryer – what a luxury – or just a simple sitting staring to nowhere and doing nothing. But the list of to do’s is way to long and 10% is 10%. I have to set some priorities and writing a blog post is sadly not one of them. OK don’t get me wrong I am NOT complaining I am simply stating the facts here. But even when impossible happens like it did tonight and Little L, who seems to think that sleep deprived mama is FUN mama, goes to sleep at reasonable hour leaving me confused and lost with my laptop, I have a problem…WHAT should I write about. If I don’t want to bother you with small milestones of Little L’s everyday life than I would have to talk about my achievements in my own game called winning on dogs shit battlefield which basically means trying to step into least possible dog’s shit during our everyday walks in Skaryszewski.

But who would care about that? I can not turn this blog into “what I wore today” kind of blog because all you would look at would be photos of me wrapped around some blooming tree in the same sweatpants most of the week, and that is not a true fashionista style :).

I also can not run a food porn blog. I see myself standing in my pyjama with spots from leaking milk on my breast, here and there fresh traces of Little L stomach content, using only one hand to eat really quick while rocking Little guy who is sitting content in his chair, content unless the chair is rocked by me of course even though he can rock himself pretty well. Having a nice breakfast small talk with Mr.B is a story from different reality…But we did have a dinner together the other day, in the bathroom, Mr.B standing me sitting next to the bathtub eating soup that was not even warm enough watching Little L enjoying his evening bath…I do cook from time to time, and the food is even tasty but to upgrade this fact to a keystone on which food porn blog could be built is impossible as it is simply missing that final touch…so what else can a woman who is full time mother to her FIRST baby write about…/FIRST is in capitals because I do believe that by some miracle everything gets easier with the second one/.

I could write about Little L’s achievements, but as he is in his teething period the biggest achievement is one uninterrupted hour of sleep during day. I remember reading somewhere in some smart ass article that good mothers know why their babies cry. What a bullshit! Or maybe I am not a good mother. Anyhow there are times when he screams so much that he is all purple short of breath and I am worried he is gonna faint, but even if I try to be the best mother I can, I really have no clue what is his problem. There are common symptoms for teething, for stomachache but what if your baby does not show any of those and still cries like insane and than suddenly out of a blue something happens and its quiet followed by huge smile from ear to ear. I wonder who writes that kind of articles and how are they supposed to help to anyone.

Good mother – what does that mean anyway. When I was pregnant and complaining that I feel as if my belly was a public property I was warned that what comes after the baby is born is even worse. People telling you what to do and how to do it and by people was not meant the closest family but complete strangers that don’t know you at all. That was something I could not imagine and I thought it must be some kind of bad urban legend, but guess what IT IS NOT. This shit happens for real and I am amazed how it is even possible that somebody who has never ever talked to you can judge you as parent. How does that happen that some people are convinced that they can comment on other people’s lives. I don’t want to sound pissed or frustrated by writing this because I am not and by far I don’t even want to sound like I am defending myself because thats again something I don’t need to do. I just want to say that I hate judgements and monothematism.

So to make things clear to those who are having concerns about Little L’s health or wellbeing. We take Little L for walks in his trolley  in a sling or a carrier. He loves the trolley and he loves carrier but he is not a fun of slings, and I love what makes HIM happy. Sometimes when I carry him for hours around the house I am happy my back can rest a little and we go for a walk with the trolley. Or I want to take photos and hanging a camera on your neck when there is a baby is quite impossible. There are times when he spends half a day in carrier because thats what we both want to do that particular day. I don’t understand almost surreal obsessions of some mamas over how to carry a baby. Common ladies take it easy. Our mothers raised 90% of our generation in the trolleys  that were archaic compared to what we have now and it does not seem to have damaged us for life or everybody’s family relationships. There are women out there who are on wheel chairs, women with back problems, women with other issues that bring some restrictions on the way they carry their babies but that sure does not categorise them to be bad or non carrying mothers. Women tend to become somehow militant when it comes to kids raising questions and that is freaky dangerous. Easy going mothers raise easy going people and easy going people are nice to be around.

…………….and some long forgotten photos from Vienna……….

 

  

  

society6 account re-opened

society6 account re-opened

 

Some time ago I had an account on society6 which in reality ment they were selling iphone cases and prints of Mr.Master. I closed it down for two reasons. First of all there were people writing me that they are waiting too long for their case to arrive, or asking me about giving them discount if they buy more cases or some other issues. I had to always explain the same thing over and over again. Society6 is a platform where anyone can open an account upload pictures, photogrphs or whatever else and that is about it, rest of the job is done by society6. They produce, pack and send out all the orders, they sell and they set the prices for the items. What I get is a small amount from each sold item.
From one case for example it is 3,5 dollars. So it is actually really difficult to make money on it :) unless you sell 1000 cases a month, which of course was not my case :).
Second reason why I deactivated my account was that people seemed to be having some problems with cases for iphone4. Even though I could do NOTHING about it I felt stupid to be aware of it and still having them for sale. So why I decided to re-open now? Again for two reasons.
First of all I was asked many times in the past months about Mr.Master iphone cases and even if all those people who asked about it decide to buy one I am still not gonna make any serious money on it, but I just feel privileged that somebody still wants to have one.
And second reason is that my case on iphone5 saved my phone from breaking many times as it falls at least once a day and the case is still solid and unbroken. I also wrote to society6 about my concern and they assured me that they improved the cases and stand behind their product. So here it is Mr.Master and not only Mr.Master for sale again….as iphone case, print, bag, pillow, tank top, tshirt, hoodie, onesie for babies, wall clock, shower courtin … whatever you might like.

PS: once again to make it clear. If you decide to buy any product from society6 and you have any claims please contact their customer service not me as I can do nothing about any issue you might have.

PS2: if you decide to buy any prodcut from society6 with my design on it I would be very happy to know if you like it and if you are happy about it

PS3: and there is one more good news…there is a promotion on society6 so if you want to buy something you will get FREE Shipping and $5 Off Each Item !!!!!!!!! BY CLICKING ON THIS LINK PROMOTIONPromotion expires March 9, 2014 at Midnight Pacific Time. *Offer excludes Framed Art Prints, Stretched Canvases and Throw Pillows with insert.

Cheers

 

moving pictures from Primorje

  

and little video from our trip….enjoy your sunday

  

  
Primorje from Bart Pogoda on Vimeo.
 camera, edit, colors – Silvia & Bart Pogoda
music Pink Martini – Anna (el negro zumbon)
www.bartpogoda.net
www.silviapogoda.com

  

Milky bar crisis in Piran

Milky bar crisis in Piran

  

During last months of my pregnancy when I looked like a whale abandoned on the shore by greenpeace I was dreaming, dreaming, dreaming about going for a road trip somewhere as soon as I could fit into the car seat. Mr.B and I planned all sorts of possible scenarios. Of course we knew there will be one more person with us, but we had no clue. Logically if parents love to travel the kid HAS to love it just as much.

Out of all the options we were thinking about, road trip to Brittany won. It is not that far, it has an atmosphere and there was a great house on airbnb to rent. I could see all the photos we would take, I could see Mr.T playing with a ball on the beach the only thing I could not imagine was Little L, but I was sure he will do fine. We planned to spend whole february traveling around north cost of France. That was until Little man did not enter our world. Yes we took him for 9 hours drive when he was three weeks old, and than again seven hours when he was six weeks old. I wont say it all went without problems. He made it quite well in the car, but he sure was confused when changing places. Than we drove to Vienna for couple of days and back to Slovakia and Little L was responding better to the changes of enviroment. But we still could not imagine taking him for 20 hours car trip….and so even though we love to travel and he sure loves to travel just as much we quit our idea and started looking for easier options.

First idea was Venice, there is always a good time to go to Venice…..well maybe not when you have a stroller to get around with and its carneval time. And so there was only one possible place left….Piran. We ve been there before and we knew it is always good time to go to Piran :). I could remember how much we walked, chilled, read books and how much I was drawing last time we took couple of days of and drove there from Vienna. It really seemd to be crazy close…almost not long enough for propper conversation and there was even possibility to survive being vegan and eating in restaurants.

So I packed my book, my sketchbook and we were ready to hit to road. Little L did well….he slept most of the time probably did not even realize we made a roundabout and stopped for one night in Plitvice in Croatia. That was supposed to be something new for us, so we would not only repeat what we have done before. And it was also our first big fail traveling with a baby. Plan was to sleep three nights close to Plitvice national park and show Little L a little bit of beauty of the nature. BUT the park was only partially opened, which actually meant 90% was closed – something they forgot to inform about on the web page – which did not stop the lady at the counter to ask us to pay for the full ticket. She offerd us to buy the tickets so that we could get to the place from where we can have a look at the road we would be taking if the park was opened. This information made Mr.B very depressed, he took it personaly and was fighting with his own dissapointment and professional traveler ego. And so we packed everything what we unloaded the evening and hit the road to Slovenia.

Piran was cool as always, no bad surprises, no problems, easy going place where you know exactly what you ll get…but this time we experienced it differently. I unpacked my book, my sketchbook and my computer and that was actually the only time I touched them….Little L enjoyed sleeping in the stroller while we were discovering Isola, Strunjan or Portoroz…but he sure did not enjoyed sleeping in the night. The aircon in the room that served as heating was killing him. He litteraly slept on my tits, like a true hedonist…every hour having a little drink and falling asleep again…Nights became my nightmares for the first time in his short life. But appart from our sleep deprivation we had a really really good time, eating great food, walking at least 10 km per day, taking photos, enjoing ourselves in our new situation ….On Valentines day I reminded myself how I freaked out exactly one year ago when I took a pregancy test in Japan. It was something I could not imagine, and I did not even want to. We were in Japan, traveling around, planing what we ll do in sommer, we had no responsiblity for anyone, we were free and we liked it. And there was this strange writing telling me it is actually already three of us. I freaked out so much that the first thing I did was that I smoked two cigarettes in a row. This year on the same day I pushed the stroller with sleeping Little L the muddy road of Strunjan national park…I could breath without any problems, I did not smell like an ash tray and I was happy. I am my biggest surprise :)

Now we r ready to unpack, wash the clothes, pack again and take Little L for a next trip to Klodzko and than one week later take him to the place which is his home but he does not know about it, because last time he left it he was just a small blind veggie…now he is a 8 kilo little man :)

Warning: If u dont feel like looking at loads of photos of two cuties Little L and Mr.T dont scroll down! But hell even though Little L is tought subject to photograph as he lays on his back most of the time, its nice to shoot somebody else not just Mr.B’s back for a change :)

  

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I don't want my life to be a reason for other's life to be a suffering that is why I am vegan and that is how I want to raise my son. I love my little family, birds, rainy days and life on the road. I believe in life before death :).


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